4/29/10 - Taking a step of faith

A wise man once said that, "Every great journey begins with one step."

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

It takes a lot of courage to follow your heart. Sometimes, you can not always trust "emotional" leadings due to the fact that we as humans are so blinded by our own "selfish" feelings when making choices. However, there are moments and situations that your "instinctual" feeling is the right one.

Recently, I have made a decision to attempt to find my biological Father. I was adopted when I was a year and a half by the most amazing two people I could of asked for. I had a wonderful childhood and am full of love and hope because of all that they did for me and taught me as a young child. My intention for doing this is not because I am "seeking" a relationship with this man but rather that I would like to have health history background that I have forever left blank at my Dr.'s office because I don't know. Getting answers to just those questions would be such a relief in itself I'm not sure much else could really make me happy. Out of curiousity I do want to see if I resemble him in any way but its not an expectation that I firmly need to fulfill. Having two children now, the medical background and history is more of a priority that it ever was when I was single woman. Now, my life is dedicated to these two little boys and their health and happiness. In keeping with this commitment I feel compelled to pursue this.

If some of you are wondering why I am only referencing my biological Father it is because of why and how I came to be adopted. In my health records it was outlined that the reasoning behind his decision to give me up for adoption was because my biological Mother had passed when I was quite young. He had tried to care for me on his own and was unable to do so financially or logistically due to the fact that he was very young.

Part of my reasoning for wanting to do this is the fact that I too now am a parent. I understand what a large amount of courage and strength it took to let me go. I have seen the pain that it causes for parents to give their children up for adoption. There is a verse in the Bible that reminds me much of the process of adoption.
"There is no love like this that a man who lays down his life for a friend."

This verse reminds me of adoption because the last thing adoption is, is selfish. Whether you are in a position to have to give a child up or if you are choosing to bring that child into your life it's all rooted in love.

I have no intention at this time for pursuing a relationship or trying to replace or substitute a different family in by trying to find this man. I realize that he has lived a life without me for 32 years and that although I may cross his mind once and awhile I am a far distant memory now. If I fail in my attempt to collect the information I need I will not be saddened or upset. Just the fact that I'm trying after years of not thinking it possible to even consider it, my expectations are realistic and humble.

Knowing God is in the midst of this entire decision is another peaceful and encouraging fact for me. Nothing happens by coincidence is my belief and I know everything happens for a reason. I look forward to what the future holds in this process and I am also hoping that if you follow me on this journey that you too will be challenged in your own personal lives to consider taking a step of faith yourselves. Life is short and what we do with it is our decision. For me, I hope that when my day finally comes that I can look up to the sky and know that I did the best I could with what I had and it was a really great "ride" while it lasted!!

My next posting will be updating with my specific attempts and efforts to finding a private investigator or ancenstry firm that will be able to help me find this specific person.

All prayers and support are accepted!!

Have a blessed week!